Sierra and how life got better.

It’s been exactly a month since I last updated this blog, and I truly feel like shit for abandoning it.

Except I didn’t. I actually have a lot to say and have been writing in my notes, just waiting for the right time—which is now.

The last thing that held me back from posting was hating myself for writing a male-centered blog post. I already give that species enough attention to piss myself off. But then I realized I actually haven’t thought about having a man for a man—and remembered to breathe.

When adults say they don’t even have time to pee, believe them. It’s true that I’ve been enjoying life, but when events pile up and I can’t find a way to tie everything into one post, I start to lose control. And you already know about my relationship with control.

So in an attempt to write out my thoughts free from any particular order, tonight’s blog will be a rundown of everything that’s happened—going all the way back before February.

The best kind of high.

You know what’s better than a drug to a girl actually enjoying her early twenties?

Catching up with that one friend you don’t see often but still have the exact same relationship with.

This is the girl I sobbed to until my lungs hurt, ate dinner with her family, then met up again three months later like nothing had changed. If you get it, you get it.

Sierra.

Except this time, we hadn’t seen each other in a whole year. And still, I felt at home next to her.

Catching up with her majesty and talking about our life updates made me realize how slow life felt in high school. In just one year, we both somehow landed at the same point, finally sharing the same beliefs.

It’s not even a bad thing. Being totally different back then and still enjoying each other’s company, only to grow into even more similarities—it makes me feel closer to her soul than we already were.

And if Sierra is reading this, I hope she knows: That relationship ending? That was just the beginning of her twenties.

Hearing the women around me get excited about life—beyond relationships—is a breath of fresh air.

For once, I wasn’t worried about how my friend was coping. I wasn’t concerned about whether she saw how small some incidents are compared to the time we have to grow, learn, and actually live.

And I’m not exaggerating when I say this: Sierra looks like she stepped out of an Italian movie. Her face, her aura—it’s the kind of thing that happens once in a while.

I won’t even start on her brain. She had one before most of us even did. Having her around in high school was something God did to protect some of us.

And mark my words: people like her always end up in a straight-up romcom. And she will.

Now for the best part,

Your girl started her first job last week. And she’s doing well.

Doing well in uni had me wanting to do well in many other things, so like I promised myself, I revisited unfinished projects and hobbies. Actually finishing them.

Shit is fun—but costs more money than my parents can afford. And one of my resolutions this year was to get over my fear of finding a job and looking desperate for money—which I am.

Three days of standing in a supermarket made me realize three things:

1.Pretty privilege is definitely gonna make this easier. Old women hyping me up is giving me confidence like crazy.

2.Standing for 7+ hours is not for me.

3.FUCK CAPITALISM.

I’m still gonna work, though. Jokes aside, I need the money. And yapping with strangers all day is actually the dream. I do it for free—I might as well get paid.

I am so tired, though.

I also validated my semester, so uni feels like a feather to me right now. I went from wanting to burn that place down to actually getting excited to go.

And here’s my greatest tip: Make fucking friends.

Pick out girls that look and sound like you. Enjoy their presence. Learn from them. And make sure they’re there to study.

This might sound out of touch, but I swear it works. The only hard step is forcing yourself. But after that, it gets easier.

And for the greatest of all,

The time of the year I find myself swimming in happiness—Ramadan.

Words cannot describe how good this time feels and how I’ve seen my prayers answered immediately by the Almighty.

I actually can’t think of a single bad memory right now. I’m just enjoying how light my heart feels.

This deserves a whole blog post so Ramdan moubarak.

And so, dear nonexistent audience, I truly hope reading this gave you even a slight hope that things do get better. That you do have enough control to turn your life upside down for the better.