Miranda and Phabian: Alive & Well, Case Closed. Happy Valentine’s.

Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal
Tout ça m'est bien égal
Non, rien de rien
Non, je ne regrette rien
C'est payé, balayé, oublié
Je me fous du passé

This symphony started playing in my head when I saw them at the bus stop. It took me a while to admit to myself that I had secretly hoped to see them—I was curious about how our interaction would go.

And just when Miranda laid eyes on me, like the good person she is, she waved and called my name, inviting me to join them.

It felt good to see them. This was an old case I had chosen not to reopen, convinced that my decision to let things be and not communicate what went wrong was the right one. Digging up that grave felt pointless—our friendship had ended, and neither of us was willing to admit it or change for the other, myself included. We told people we had grown apart, and over time, it became true.

For once, I didn’t feel guilty for ignoring the elephant in the room. Phabian and I had exchanged a few words before, and I had only greeted Miranda once when I saw her on campus. It had always been awkward.

Our conversation was casual—catching up on the basics, reminiscing about our high school days. I still can't believe how close we are to graduating college. What I found even harder to believe was their new friend.

I had a grin on my face the whole ride—she was me. Everything about her screamed me.

I swear I’m not being self-centered this time, but her face, her personality, her humor, her mannerisms—she was me in a different font.

It’s always that realization that gets me: the people I leave behind always seem to search for me in others. Maybe it goes back to my internal struggle—the nagging feeling that I’m not really important to anyone.

The truth is, she might be a placeholder. Maybe I was one too. But what mattered was that by the time I stepped off that bus, the unfinished business felt finished. Unspoken words had been said in silence, and I no longer felt the need to pour my heart out.

For the longest time, whenever my mom or someone close to me sought advice, I never felt worthy of guiding them through a life-changing decision. I always underestimated my own judgment, my ability to assess situations with maturity.

But I was right.

Non, je ne regrette rien
Ni le bien qu'on m'a fait
Ni le mal

I was also wrong—wrong to deny that I had a massive crush on Phabian. A crush I felt ashamed of, unworthy of. During that bus ride, I realized how much pressure I had put on myself not to like him. His charm was undeniable—no girl could have escaped it.

Phabian was worth it. In a high school full of Ostins, he was the only Phabian. I was a girl who had never seen a gentleman before, who had never experienced affection. I couldn’t blame Miranda for leaving me behind.

He even pulled me aside and gave me his seat mid-conversation with Miranda because some creep was trying to touch me. Just another typical bus ride in Tunisia.

At first, when I started writing this, I wished I had an audience to tell me what to do—should I reach out, ask her to meet up and talk, or just leave things as they were? But the more I wrote, the more I realized how pointless that would be.

I want Miranda and Phabian to get married. Now that I see him from a place of zero feelings, I see how good he is for her. And as hard as it is to admit—because, yes, I was truly mistreated in that friendship—Miranda is still one of the people I loved the most. I know this sounds so gay, but I genuinely want the best for her, and he seems perfect.

He once told me—literally—"If we lived in a time where people worshipped people, Miranda would be my religion."

God, if that’s not love, I don’t know what is.

I’m not one to talk about love because, at this point, I’ve given up on it. And honestly, I have so much to unpack in my next blog—I just need time to gather my thoughts and tell you how men keep proving themselves so unimportant to me.

But for now:

Happy Valentine’s Day, Miranda, Phabian, and to everyone who’s found someone they truly feel blessed to have.